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Lonely Traveler

I’ve seen the lights of Paris

Tasted the Mediterranean Sea

Stood in ancient Cathedrals

Felt history beneath my feet

I’ve ridden gondolas in Venice

Walked the streets of Rome

Stood on the edge of the Sahara

Called multiple cities home

Thrown coins into the Trevi Fountain

Seen the Sistine Chapel’s white smoke

Danced through the streets of Barcelona

Seen the inauguration of a Pope

I’ve climbed up Mt. Vesuvius

Walked the ruins of Pompeii

Flown above Sorrento and Capri

Had pizza in its birthplace

I’ve seen Auschwitz in its darkness

And Amsterdam in lights

Driven the backgrounds of Germany

Experienced many Spanish nights

But none of that matters

I would give it all up

To find that special someone

To truly fall in love.

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Posted by on April 18, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

Any Day Now

There’s a pocket knife in my dresser

It’s never left the box it came in

But I think about it every night

While I lay in bed not sleeping

I’ve only looked at it once

The day that I first got it

But I can see it perfectly

As if I used it every day

It sits in an orange and brown box

With camo in the middle

It has turquoise edges

Around a carved wooden handle

I know exactly where it sleeps

Precisely what it looks like

I can feel the sharp blade

Press gently against my skin

It sits loudly in its box

Begging to be used

Calling from my dresser drawer

Screaming my name at night

It’s so loud I cannot sleep

My tears help me pass out

In the wee hours of the morning

My wails outcry its shrieks

There’s a pocket knife in my dresser

It’s never left the box it came in

But that could change any day now

Any day now.

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

Mad Love

Every time I fall in love

I lose all sense of self

My entire world starts to

Revolve around someone else

It becomes all consuming

It’s all I think about

They quickly become something

I cannot live without

But almost every time

I’ve fallen for someone

Its ended in catastrophe

And tainted our love

Do I drive these people

To all cheat on me?

Am I so blinded by love

That I can’t see’t?

Do they all drive me

To finally go mad?

Or are my emotions

What made us go bad?

I feel like I won’t ever be happy

I can’t make a relationship last

I expect too much, I love too deeply

My futures always turn into my past

I want to believe that someone

Will compliment me well

That we can succeed and be happy

While still being myself

But everyone I’ve ever loved

Has told me all my flaws

So I’m starting to think maybe

I’ll just never love at all.

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

Braille

You think that the world

Revolves around you

You see yourself

In everything that I do

You think you’re hot stuff

But all that’s hot is your temper

You push me til I break

Then get mad when I check ya

You sound like Mike Tyson

Come on, take a seat

You think you’re so scary

But you put the death in defeat

Okay sure you’re attractive

But your personality’s dry

It’s like being in Death Valley

On the Fourth of July

You act like a tough guy

But only on the outside

You’re full of emotion

That you’re trying to hide

Sometimes you break down

And you let me in

But the next day those walls

Go back up again

You’re shady as all get out

I said I don’t trust you I meant it

You’re trying to beat me

At the game I invented

You need to step tf up

Or step tf down

Heck I wouldn’t doubt

You’re stepping tf out

I send you whole essays

I get dot dot dot

Man I can’t read Braille

Helen Keller I’m not

You’ll never find love

As long as you act this tough

It shouldn’t be this hard

To get you to open up

I see beneath your beautiful

There’s a diamond in the rough

But your heart is a lump of coal

And my love is not enough

 
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Posted by on April 16, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

*breathing*

The birds sing louder

Or maybe I’m just listening

To something other than

The voices in my head

The flowers smell sweeter

Or maybe I’m just now realizing

That beauty exists

In a world full of pain

I walk around singing

I dance in the kitchen

I’ve regained my appetite

I am at peace

Then darkness comes

And the birds stop singing

Or maybe I can’t hear them

Because of the voices

Inside of my head

I can’t smell the flowers

Or maybe I could

If I took the time

To stop and admire them

I lay in my bed

I don’t move for hours

I can’t eat a thing

But my mind is racing

Then the sun comes out

Crickets chirp

People laugh

I sit at the table stuffing my face

While my dog licks my feet

And music plays in the background

And I hum the melody

And tap my non licked foot to the beat

I smile as he looks up at me

My phone goes off

It’s that person

The one who makes me smile

The one who makes me laugh

The one who makes me happy

We talk, we joke

Life is good.

Then they go away.

My dog retreats

My phone goes silent

The music stops playing.

Are they codependent?

Are they contingent on one another?

Is my happiness contingent on them?

Does the sun only shine

When they are around

Or am I just blind

To the sights and sounds

Of a world not consumed

By love and affection

Of a world where there’s more

Than interpersonal connections?

There are parts of the universe

That have never seen the light

They live in darkness

All of their lives

That’s how I feel

On any given day

Like the light in my life

Has been taken away

But that doesn’t mean

There’s not light in my life

I just can’t see it

Because I am blind

Blinded by love

Blinded by hope

Staring at eternal darkness

A black canvas ready to be painted on

But I have no paint

So I just stare

At a world ready to be conquered

But I can’t go anywhere

I live with depression

Not crippling, just there

I am still breathing

I’m just gasping for air.

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

Cement

Your body’s like a temple

It’s where I feel at home

But when I am not with you

All I do is roam

Your words are like a love song

Each word sticks to my heart

But when you are not speaking

I start to fall apart

Baby I’m like cement

Everything you do

Leaves mark on me

That time cannot undo

Your time is like an hourglass

Fleeting every day

No matter how much of you I get

It still hurts when you go away

Your touch is like a tidal wave

Swallowing me whole

Pulling me closer into you

Enveloping my soul

Baby I’m like cement

I hold on to the past

Once you give me something

You cannot take it back

Your voice is like white noise

It soothes me to my core

But when you hang up the phone

It just leaves me wanting more

Your love is like a toy

So ecstatic to be opened

But now that it’s mine

I keep waiting for it to be broken

Baby I’m like cement

Stubborn as a mule

But if you do everything just right

I’ll belong to you.

 
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Posted by on March 6, 2019 in Uncategorized

 

Silence

Silence overpowers the room.

And not the kind of silence that calms you.

No, this silence is deafening.

It roars like thunder

Screams like lightning

Shrieks like a howling wind.

You don’t know silence

Until you are truly alone.

There’s always a distant hum

Of a fan

Of a street light

Of a passing car

Of a heater

Until there’s not.

In that moment, the world is darkness.

There is no light

No love

No warmth

No sound.

You blink

And your eyelashes brush against the pillow.

The sound startles you at first.

You do it again to make sure it was you.

Then you continue

Because it’s the only thing keeping you from going insane.

One sound in the darkness.

You feel your heart beat faster.

You’re convinced you can hear it.

But it doesn’t make a sound.

Your brain can’t stop racing.

Your head voice won’t shut up.

Yet the world remains entombed

In a soundproof jar.

Your ears feel clogged.

Not because of an altitude change

But because they cannot hear anything

And they think that somethings wrong.

But nothing’s wrong.

There are just no sounds to be heard.

You move your leg

And it sounds like a tree falling in the woods

You are the only one there to hear it

And you know it makes a sound

A rustling so loud you’d think you just broke the speed of sound

A sonic boom echos in the room

And then the world goes quiet.

Imagine waking up to a soundless world.

No crickets chirping

No birds singing

No lawnmowers buzzing

No people talking

No planes flying

Nothing.

Silence.

It’s not just lonely.

It’s terrifying.

Your heart never stopped beating

Yet somehow now it’s louder than before

You look down

Your chest is throbbing

You could swear that there’s a drum corps outside of your window

The thumping and thudding is so loud

You look around

The world is now light

But still, there’s no sound.

You know you’re not deaf

Because you can hear yourself move

You speak.

The noise pierces your ears.

You wince.

You wonder if anyone else heard you.

Is there anyone else to hear you?

Your voice is raspy

You haven’t spoken in hours

You get up to get some water.

The glasses clank

The water runs

Your throat swallows

Sound exists.

But not outside.

Not in the world.

The earth has gone mute.

For so long she has sang to us

She has read us bedtime stories

She has been our alarm clock

She has been a giver of life

Of love

Of joy

Of sound.

But we wore her out.

We cut out her vocal cords

We destroyed her instruments

We threw away her gifts

We took advantage of her generosity

We took advantage of her sound.

Tonight, as you lay down

Listen to the world.

Let Mother Nature sing you to sleep

Let her sounds wash over you.

And if you find yourself in a place

Where the silence is so loud

That you can’t hear her song

Do something about it

Before it’s too late

And we’re all trapped inside a soundproof jar

Faces pressed against the glass

Looking for a way out

A way back

A way home

A way to hear anything

But silence.

 
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Posted by on February 17, 2019 in Uncategorized